when coupons … ATTACK!

When it comes to coupons, I am not a lunatic.

When it comes to insect eradication, sequence of toast eating and brand of toothpaste … it is debatable.

But not with coupons.

If a coupon is available for an item we need/want, I clip merrily.  However, you will not see me traipsing through a dumpster or threatening to throttle an innocent cashier over them.  Cashier solidarity.

*raises fist triumphantly*

Coupons have been good to me … except ONE.

SO. EVIL.

A few weeks ago I was in desperate need of contact solution.  And lo! I had a paper passport to savings for this particular item.

I scampered to the aisle to discover …. it was also on sale!  Double savings HOT DAMN.

Upon returning home, I used this new solution that very night.  It sounded a little … FIZZY but I decided not to worry.

The next morning I was up at 3 a.m. for my first double shift of my new situation, preparing to work my9-5 after my 4-8.  After an Olympic stagger of impressive lethargy, I bellied up my contact case, stuck the wiggly lenses in my eyes …

AND SHRIEKED.

Toona came to my rescue.  A did not.

This provoked a more thorough reading of the product’s box (with my one good eye, that is) and discovered this DEMON ITEM is almost 100% HYDROGEN PEROXIDE.

I began to wonder why they would place this product next to the contact solution, because that is certainly not its use.  Cleansing minor wounds or removing blood from highway crash sites may be more accurate.

I managed to go to my first and second job (the first day on this job no less!) with an only 85% chance of looking like Cheech and/or Chong.  What a first impression!

As far as the lessons learned from this endeavor:

1. Read the box.  Nothing is as it seems.  I’m looking at YOU “alfredo macaroni and cheese”.

2. IF IT FIZZES ..  STEP AWAY.

3. Coupons are great, but not as great as intact corneas.

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