irreconcilable differences … IT’S THE CHEESIEST!

C: I AM TRYING TO DO SEVEN HUNDRED THINGS AT ONCE AND YOU ARE SITTING LIKE A PRINCESS ON THE FUTON DON’T YOU THINK THAT AFTER WORKING FOR ALMOST TWELVE HOURS TODAY I WOULD WANT TO HAVE A BREAK! ON MY LUNCH BREAK?!?!

A: (wordlessly rises to stir macaroni)

C: It’ll go faster if you turn it on high.

A: Do you want it to boil over?

C: Yes.  Then you lift it up, stir, lift, stir and it’s done quicker.

A: (raised eyebrows and silence)

C: Don’t use the colander, it’s an extra dish.

A: (silence.  diligent stirring at excruciatingly low temperature)

C: It HAS to be done by now.  And get as much water out as you can.  But don’t use a colander … extra dish.

A: BACKSEAT COOKER!

C: (glares)

A: (grabs milk and butter)

C: It’s 1/4, 1/4–but use more butter because that’s better.  Get another fork to spear the butter into the pot, use said fork to stir, then eat off that fork later.  Then it’s not an extra dish.

A: (DOES NOT USE BUTTER FORK TO STIR MACARONI AND CHEESE, THUS NOT GETTING ALL OF BUTTER OFF OF  FORK AND INTO THE MIXTURE)

C: USE THE BUTTER FORK!!!!!!  You’re not making it my way.

A: Your way?!  You mean the crazy-boil over-double fork way?!?!?!  No.

C: (glares, then climbs into the refrigerator to grab more lunch fixin’s)

A: (disappears with ENTIRE POT of macaroni)

C: ARE YOU EATING OUT OF THE POT?!?

A: (said thickly through mouth full of macaroni shoveled from half empty pot still clutched in paw)

…    no.

C: The Bible says liars go to hell.

A:  Good thing I don’t believe in fiction.

Toona: mrrrrowwwOWWWWWWWWWWWWW

A: See?  Toona trusts me.

C: (glares)

A: How’s your day?

C: I found ANOTHER BLONDE HAIR.

A: Blonde, eh?

C: YES.  But they do say they have more fun.  And gentlemen prefer them.

A: Gentlemen only prefer them for short amounts of time.

C & A: (jovial laughter.  all macaroni hostility dissipates.)

A: (grabs bowls out of cupboard to spoon macaroni into.)

C: We could have just eaten out of the pot … then it’s not an extra dish.

***************************************************************

-c

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2 thoughts on “irreconcilable differences … IT’S THE CHEESIEST!

  1. bairloch June 18, 2011 / 11:08 am

    your silliness is both delightful and disturbing.

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