cranky stupendous older brother and I have an unofficial contest to see who can outshine the other in the weirdest events we have been asked to cover.
He, as a retired? broadcaster had the unique pleasure of being ALL OVER the International Bigfoot Symposium.
Me, as a NEW AND BUMBLING newspaper reporter, is preparing for my evening as guest to the nuptials of Sunflower and Wingnut–two hobos attending the national convention, conveniently located just down the road from our apartment.
While I think bro still reigns as king of the contest (DAMN!) I have a more ominous situation looming just in front of my nose …
WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU WEAR TO A HOBO WEDDING?!
The last time I had one of these issues was when a college classmate invited me to her baptism …. yes, you heard me. I asked my mother what to wear and she replied, “light-colored and conservative.” Unfortunately, my limited wardrobe during my freshman year of college was DARK AND SLUTTY.
That difficult day coupled with the fact that when I think of a hobo wedding I picture some strange coupling of a Renaissance Fair and a hippie commune, is making my wardrobe choice difficult. Perhaps I will wear a flower wreath encircling my chain mail?
My boss suggested jeans–but even though these people will most likely spend their honeymoon as unknown cargo on a freight train, I think I will still choose respectful, wedding attire.
But my go-to summer wedding dress is a deep-V satin flowery number … also probably not appropriate for working, and most especially for working in “The Jungle” or the hobo hangout where the ceremony will take place.
So I have a few options:
The first contestant is a vintage-y look dress–when I wear it I feel like a character from “Mad Men”. And by that I mean, one of their secretaries … or housekeepers. It has pockets and is very comfy with a full skirt.
The second is a short, white eyelet dress. And yes! That is a men’s tee I scrounged from the clearance shelf at Target! Thought it would be sunny and happy–both for a wedding and a very odd assignment.
Lastly is a more work-appropriate grey cords and grey blouse, but the blouse has a ribbon detail on the back. Trying for working girl (not that kind. OR THAT KIND.) and romantic wedding-y at the same time.
Hits? Misses? Advice?
I wait eagerly.