News of political arguments and tiffs in professional sports continue to make headline news.
NFL and NBA lockouts. Debt limit “compromises” stretching out for months. The endless political debates and mud-slinging campaigns.
Directly associated with the rise in dumbassery, are the increasing cries of homeless pets. There are currently approximately eight million homeless animals living in shelters or on the street.
Can you hear those pathetic mewlings and whimpers?
To promote societal harmony and solve both crises in one swift motion, I have a proposal.
KITTENS. PUPPIES. BUNNIES. et cetera. given to the squabblers.
If each pet was immediately put into the warm office of a cold-hearted politician, bipartisanship would quickly reign through bonds forged at the dog park. Dennis Kucinich would finally have an endless outlet for his insane ideas, in the unconditionally loving ears of a puggle. Michele Bachmann may even appear to be human with a baby bunny in her lap.
Once a tabby or terrier is allowed to frolic in locker rooms, the only potentially tense discussions to be had would be Purina or Science Diet. Contracts would be sealed with drool and laughter, and no meaningless preseason game will ever be cancelled again.
There would be swift and widespread peace to these feuding parties and all of the adorable pets would finally have a home.
Join the movement, newly created in my living room seven minutes ago, Occupy My Lap.
(also accepting Peace Prize nominations)
Who’s with me?