commentary for Super Bowl 2013: “What do you mean he MURDERED someone?”

A log of yesterday’s conversation regarding the Super Bowl.  It seems that A is still confounded by the idea, even after last year.

9 a.m.

A: “So … how long is this game?”

C: “… It’s a football game.”

A: “Right … but how long?”

C: “A couple of hours.  But there’s a bunch of pre-game and build-up stuff that happens practically all day.”

A: “No one watches that pre-game stuff though … right?”

11 a.m.

A: “So … do you want to go to a bar for the Super Bowl … or something?”

C: “Not really.  It will be loud and they won’t have the Super Bowl food I want and it will be so distracting I won’t be able to actually watch the game and if we want a decent seat we probably have to leave now.”

A: “It won’t be that bad!  You’ll be able to watch the game–there won’t be that many people there.”

1 p.m.

A: “Have you decided what you’d like to do for the Super Bowl?  I really want to watch it with you!”

C: *raised eyebrows*  “Lying.”

2:30 p.m.

A: “Who is playing in the game today?”

C: “The Ravens and the 49ers.”

A:  “Oh … sure … okay.”

4 p.m.

A: “LOOK AT ALL OF THIS FOOD.  THIS MUST BE A FAVORITE HOLIDAY.”

4:30 p.m.

C: “Honey, where is the beer we bought yesterday?  ARE YOU TRYING TO SABOTAGE THE SUPER BOWL?”

A’s eyes widen and he scampers down the staircase.  Returns two minutes later with 12 very cold bottles of beer, jubilantly announces that “WE HAVE BUBBLES,” whatever that means.  For the record, it was -900 degrees the night before, but all of the beers were spared an explosive end.

5 p.m.

A: “Who is that?  Why is she singing so strangely?  Wait!  LOOK AT THE SIGN LANGUAGE GUY! HAHAHA.”

6:30 p.m.

A: “What is with all the dancing?  Isn’t this football?  ISN’T THIS AMERICA?”

7 p.m.

A: “Wasn’t that just a fumble?  That doesn’t mean the ball goes to the other team!”

C: “You must be thinking about rugby, dear … ”

7:30 p.m.

A: “Good idea, Beyonce.  Whip your sweaty hair on your fans!”

C: “You know, growing up, I rarely remember actually watching the half-time show.”

A: “OH GREAT.  That means this show has SUCKED for almost FIFTY YEARS.”

8 p.m.

Theories as to why the lights went out:

1. A Puppy Bowl participant peed on something.

2. Joe Montana pulled the plug in the hopes the scoreboard would never light back up.

3. Voodoo curse

4. Ill-advised installation of The Clapper

5. Amish Mafia on the loose

8:30 p.m.

(Lights return to Superdome.  Hope for 49ers also flickers back to life.)

A: “Perhaps the 49ers are a collective Seabiscuit.  Maybe they just needed to be looked in the eye!”

(granted, the above comment was after three beers)

9:30 p.m.

A: “Are we done?  I ate too much.  Can we go to bed now?”

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