when calling your husband “schmoopie” is inappropriate

Maybe it’s just me, but I have an irresistible need for pet names.

Mr. A has even joked that if we ever have children, there will be no need to name them, since I never use the actual names for anything anyway.

Some of the choice pet names of the moment in our household (used for husband, cat, dog and some treasured appliances)

1. Schmoopsie

2. Handsome Man

3. Poops

4. Bunny

5. Little Girl

There are others.  It’s a sickness.

Especially with the husband, I feel like there needs to be a name that is reserved for ONLY ME to call him.  Personally, it feels awkward to refer to him by his full name in public.  It’s even worse to call him the pet names listed above in mixed company–particularly #5.  I need one that is mine.  Mine.

mine

Additionally, A’s name is not able to be turned into a nickname–DRAT.

Please tell me I’m not the only one that weirdly feels this way?

Recently, I have discovered a foolproof pet name for A that is appropriate for really any situation, any audience:

THE BOSS.

Examples:

At the office: Yes I think I can work that day, but I have to talk it over with THE BOSS.

When invited to an awkward party:  Well, I think THE BOSS is waiting for me.

After another pushy salesperson tries to sell me an unnecessary credit card: I WILL SIC THE BOSS ON YOU.  AND HE IS BROWN AND GRUMPY.

Unfortunately, there is one situation in which this pet name may not work: when confronted with an overly sensitive female.

Exhibit A: “DON’T EVER LET HIM THINK THAT HE IS THE BOSS.  YOU ARE WOMAN!  YOU ARE JUST AS GOOD AS HE IS. *lady frenzy* ”

All in all, this name has proven to give me an outlet for my pet name affliction, without completely emasculating the husband.  This word is almost as useful as torque!

Anyone else have any effective pet names that you use?  Anyone want to tell me I’m a lunatic today?

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4 thoughts on “when calling your husband “schmoopie” is inappropriate

  1. bairloch June 2, 2013 / 11:40 am

    Not exactly a pet name, but A can be turned into A-Hole really easy…

  2. Kathie Smith March 13, 2013 / 2:53 pm

    If you run out, I have a whole 44year old list of any number of names you are welcome to borrow.

  3. Jessica Schiermeister March 13, 2013 / 10:56 am

    I love you. I actually heard on John Tesh last night (reliable source, right?) that couples who use pet names are “closer.”

    I also have about 15 names for my cat, so it’s okay.

  4. Mom March 13, 2013 / 10:44 am

    It must be in your genes. Something genetic. *sigh*

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