things that did not happen since my last blog post

It has been almost two months since my last post, but take heart–here is a list of things that did not happen to me in my absence, in case you were worried.

1. I did not kill the family members who came to our apartment for Easter–the first holiday I ever hosted.  I also successfully made this incredible Lemon Cream Pie (second time’s the charm … BEWARE OF THE SALT).

my Easter centerpiece.  you are reading that correctly.
my Easter centerpiece. you are reading that correctly.

2. I did not get mugged/kidnapped/lost when in New York City in late March.  I DID eat some fabulous food and sang at Carnegie Hall, however.  Also–got up close and personal with A CARNEGIE HALL COCKROACH.

3. I did not perish during the freakish, ongoing winter that the Midwest suffered under this year.  However it was getting pretty dicey last week (yes, IN MAY) after a foot of snow fell in only a few hours–beaching my car like a pathetic baby whale while trying to exit my parking space on our street.

4. I did not bankrupt our family with thrift store purchases. … But it was close.

5. My husband did not kill me after I broke into a rousing rendition of, “The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia” in a parking lot.  … But it was close.

6. I did not kill half of the bulbs I tried to resurrect this year.  The other half … the jury is still out.

7. I did not come up with a super great roller derby name for my first experience at a bout.  Because everyone goes to an event where women crash into each other and you can witness bruises blossoming under their fishnets the night before you celebrate the resurrection of Christ.  I did however discover that I do not want to be a roller derby participant.

8. I did not mourn the loss of my beloved Beef, even after she ate a chocolate bunny, a chocolate egg, three gourmet cupcakes and various Styrofoam items.  What can I say?  She takes after her momma.

9. I did not refrain from taking adorable photos of our babies:

the beasts.
this moment only lasted for 4.2 more blissful seconds.

10. I did not burn down the apartment/kill a loved one/figure out my sewing machine.  So the experiment continues!  Looking forward to more adventures, coming soon.


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