the five stages of trying to wake me up each morning

There may still be a YouTube video of me from a few years ago of my brother attempting to wake me up.  I am slumbering peacefully, looking not-so-feminine, when he prods me awake once, then again.  He finally succeeds in rousing this she-beast, who thrashes and groans like a rabid wolverine.

Now you can see why I’m married.

I recently realized that I travel through a familiar five stages each time I wake up:

Denial–Is that my alarm?  Must be a mistake … I just went to sleep an hour ago …

Anger–WHY DOES MORNING EXIST.

Bargaining–I can snooze for another 10 minutes …  I don’t have to dry my hair  … Maybe the dog will do her business really quickly … I bet traffic is really light today …

Depression–I HAVE SLEPT TOO LONG AND NOW I HATE MYSELF.

Acceptance–I suppose I have to be a person today.

Cut to an hour later, and I am squealing in to the parking lot of two wheels, five minutes past when I’m supposed to be there.

cat

 

I turned to scholarly research to help me understand how I can become a morning person.  The following gems kept showing up in article after article:

1. Go to bed earlier. (genius)

2. Wake up at a consistent time, even on the weekends. (impossible)

3. Go for a run immediately after waking up. (seriously)

4. Blast yourself with bright light first thing in the morning. (SERIOUSLY)

If I’m ever going to wake up early enough to get to work on time, I’m going to need some real, human advice. Does anyone else struggle with mornings?  Do any “morning people” have any pointers on how they manage to gleefully pop out of bed each morning?

And if anyone needs napping tips, I am world-class.

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One thought on “the five stages of trying to wake me up each morning

  1. Jessica Schiermeister June 5, 2013 / 9:53 am

    I used to sort of consider myself a “morning person” (which to me means that I can more easily wake up early than stay up late. Still true.) but not really anymore…it’s harder for me to get out of bed now with grad school constantly draining me.

    Something that helps me (not exactly pop) out of bed is to keep busy. Keep moving. Not like jogging or anything like that, but I cannot snooze or anything of the sort. If I don’t get up immediately after my alarm goes off, there is no hope for me. I get up, I start doing the morning routine. I have found that if I sit idly for too long (even sitting and reading or watching TV) I get very tired, so I have to always engage my body somehow.

    Hope that helps! I tend to only offer myself about 1.5 hours in the morning to eat, shower, blow dry my hair, dress, pack a bag for the day, etc. so I don’t have much time to loiter. It also helps me to know about what time I should be doing everything: if I have class at 9am and I wake up at 7:30 or 7:45 I know that I have to be in the shower by 8 and out of the shower by 8:15 or else I am getting NOWHERE on time.

    xoxo

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