I am a fan of winter, typically.
But the season this year has just been ridiculous.
For those of you who have managed to escape the POLAR VORTEX this year, at one point it was warmer on MARS than it was where I live. SERIOUSLY.
But in the past several days, we have finally had a break from these unrelenting temperatures. Birds were singing, snow was melting … spring was coming!
OR SO WE THOUGHT.
The morning of March 16 dawned just like any other Sunday morning in Iowa. The Boss woke up far too early to get in some quality XBox time. I woke up around 9 a.m. and settled in to shout at the Morning Edition puzzle while making breakfast.
It was all going to plan.
I started to do laundry like a good person does on the weekends, when the washing machine began to make some very weird noises. Since we are used to strange occurrences with laundry, I didn’t think anything of it. Of course, my husband is much more rooted in reality than I am, so he jumped into action, sniffing out the problem like a crime dog.
Soon, A declared that we could not use any water until further notice.
Immediately after this declaration, I had to pee. BADLY.
Then, A sprang into action, calling plumbers to fix the issue.
I made myself useful by whining about my predicament on social media, where my helpful friends told me to go pee outside. (Thanks, guys.)
Our plumber told us he would swing by our house after he ate lunch (*&#!) and he arrived three hours later, but not before I made a trip to our town’s gas station for a quick bathroom break (not a country girl yet, guys).
After about 20 seconds in our well-hole, the plumber determined that our pipes had frozen.
You heard that correctly.
After a week of spring-like temperatures, OUR PIPES HAD FROZEN.
Now, our pipes were fine through two bad blizzards (one of which closed the INTERSTATE) and temperatures that dipped to -40 with windchill.
But one week of temperatures that didn’t flash freeze any exposed skin rendered our pipes useless.
It turns out, in a freak circumstance that belongs in an Alanis Morissette song, the deep freeze and snow pack had INSULATED our pipes and kept them nice and snug during the POLAR VORTEX. When the snow melted and the frozen ground softened, our pipes become vulnerable to a sedate 30 degree breeze and promptly froze.
After a few swipes with a torch (and a hefty price tag later) our plumber gifted us with our water once again, which I used to hose down our dirty dog–who manages to get muddy at the same time that is it possible for our pipes to freeze.
Seriously, it is spring yet?