what you never knew your vocabulary was missing

Have you ever been in that situation?

You know.

The one that is so IRKSOME.

But you just can’t quite adequately describe it to your loved ones.

Because they think you’re embellishing … or being psychotic?

I’m here to help:


When You Have Attracted a Stray Cat Person

Like the sad tabby who shows up on your doorstep, this person cries out for a little attention–a little “milk”, if you will.

And, because you are tender soul, you give it to them.

BUT YOU NEVER SHOULD HAVE PUT OUT THE MILK.

Because now they keep coming around, looking for your life-sustaining milk.

And you’re annoyed that they keep lingering on your stoop–but you did it to yourself.

When You Must Manage a Puppy Person

“Well … I don’t think I plagiarized.  What do you mean you Google searched that paragraph and it came up word for word?  Is that plagiarism?”

This is a Puppy Person.  They are so pitiable in their metaphorical rug-piddling way but they still need a little discipline, a little boot in the ass.  Who will do it?  Who will kick the puppy?

When You Try to Understand a Peter Pan Person

This is why I’m trying to get A to get rid of the futon.  Because Peter Pan people approach 30 with a futon–they’ll never grow up.

When You Have to Politely Navigate Around Ugly Babies

You know when someone has an ugly baby?  You know it’s ugly.  Everyone knows it’s ugly.  But no one will talk about it, because the owner of the ugly baby is blinded by adoration.

This may just be a phenomenon in the Midwest, where everyone is too polite for their own good. But there are plenty of Ugly Babies around–not that anyone will discuss them.

Ugly Baby ideas.  Ugly Baby employees.  Ugly Baby establishments.

They’re SO BAD.  And everyone knows they’re BAD–it’s an unspoken understanding. But they exist because of someone’s passion.


So what do you do about the Stray Cat People or Ugly Babies?

I have no idea.  I just hope I’m not the Puppy Person in your life.

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