The closest I’ve ever been to camping has to be the time my college friend thought sleeping in her parents’ yard after a wedding was the best arrangement for our group. This was July 2009 in Central Iowa. I was young and full of hope; never felt pain.
That would all change that night.
I woke up to my friends huddled around me, seated in a semicircle as the unmistakable pattering of rain hit the tent over our heads. I was disoriented; was I really sleeping outside? How did I get talked into this? Didn’t I act PRETTY HIGH MAINTENANCE about this idea last night?
Yes, friends. Yes I had. Which is why my friends were crowded around me, intensely whispering in the wee hours of Sunday morning. The rain had started to seep into the tent, waking up these outdoorsy fools. Wordlessly, they all decided to use their absorbent bodies to soak up the rainfall while they debated waking me up. I am never a treat to rouse, but, it is even worse when I am woken up in the wilderness (suburban Des Moines) with a HEAPING HELPING OF I TOLD YOU SO LOCKED AND LOADED.
The next thing I remember is running across her parents lawn with a blanket over my head shouting, “THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T SLEEP OUTSIDE.”
Now I am older. Crankier. World weary and with more non-negotiables. And with a less forgiving appearance. Thus, pretending to be homeless on the weekends holds far less romance than ever.
I now live in California.
These GD people.
And their love of the great outdoors.
So, on the third weekend of January, the year of our lord 2018, months from my 30th birthday, I will be camping for the first time.
I am determined to have a good attitude. I am determined to take a reasonable shower. I am determined to not shriek at a bug. I am determined to go into the ocean.
But, to do that, I need your help.
Share your BEST CAMPING ADVICE WITH ME HERE! We’re on the same team, guys.
Here is the only camping advice I have gotten so far, as I am also polling unsuspecting men on Tinder because this is my life now:
Comment below or find me on social media to make sure I survive while I camp. Here is a little info about the campground, if that does it for you.